If The Prize Is In Your Belly, I’ll Rip Out Your Guts!
Celebrating one year since Jazmin Bean’s album ‘Traumatic Livelihood’
Photo taken from Jazmin Bean’s instagram
Monday the 24th of March marked the one year aniversary of artist Jazmin Bean’s first official album ‘Traumatic Livelihood,’ and even though I’m a couple of days late, I still wanted to write something here in celebration. In this special edition of The Ghoulish Gazette I’ll be writing about:
Meeting Jazmin Bean/ Assai Records in store tour
My favourite songs + why (song analysis)
Before the albulm release I had been a casual fan since my 6th year of highschool when I found their music (which is a weird thought since we are the same age, and fun fact - we have the same birthday.) I was inspired by their sound and fashion sense, and my favourite songs were:
𝄞 Princess Castle
𝄞 Monster Truck
𝄞 Saccharine
𝄞 Worldwide Torture
Since the release of the album Jazmin is in first place as my favourite artist. I started listening to more and mor of their music, and now the songs I always have on rotation are;
𝄞 Saccharine
𝄞 Puppy Pound
𝄞 Yandere
𝄞 Traumatic Livelihood
𝄞 Best Junkie You Adore
𝄞 Favourite Toy
𝄞 You Know What You Done
Meeting Jazmin / Assai Reccords in store tour Glasgow
Before I get into talking more about the album, I wanted to recount my experience meeting Jazmin, seeing them live for the first time, and how much it meant to me.
Jazmin performed at Assai Reccords in Glasgow on Feburary 28th 2024 as part of an in store tour playing only a selected few songs. The songs played were:
𝄞 Traumatic Livelihood
𝄞 Is This It
𝄞 Terrified
𝄞 Best Junkie You Adore
𝄞 Favourite Toy
I missed Jazmin play King Tuts in the previous October so when this tour got announced I was quick to get tickets. With the album being fresh I hadn’t listened to many songs and was excited to go in blind. The performance was amazing, and Jazmin is the only musician I’ve seen live where I thought ‘they sound the same live as they do in a studio’ which really added to how much I enjoyed the night.
I am very well known for falling apart as a result of being star struck so I was in the wait line rehearsing what I was going to say and trying not to look so nervous. Jazmin Bean is one of my biggest idols and inspirations both in fashion and writing. Jazmins music is a wonderful mix of weird, relatable and unique which is what I strive for in my own writing; So it was so surreal having the chance to meet them face to face.
It was a quick interaction, which is no surprise given how the line went out the door and all the way up the street, but despite the large line and a time constraint I was so greatful that they really took the time to make every interaction special. I had my CD of the album signed, and could not contain the words jumping out my throat;
“You are my biggest writing inspiration, thank you so much.”
The addreneline got to my head so I can’t remember their exact response but I do remember it being a positive one. That night my writers block was cured, and for the next few days I had a pep in my step nothing in the world could ruin.
My favourite songs on the album + why
When I first listened to this I immediately considered it as a power ballad. With lyrics like “I can have my wildest dreams I can have them and I'll do anything I want”, and “You cant stop me I will get anything I want.” It spoke to me as a form of motivation, and a reminder that there is no limit to my creativity and desires.
Whenever I am in a personal slump, or struggling with my writing identity it is always Jazmin’s music, but especially this song, that grounds me and reminds me exactly who I am and who I want to be. No one can stop me, and I can do anything I want.
What initially caught my liking was some of the gore- esque imagery with lyrics like“All the birds will pick at me, it’s scabs for lunch they feed” and “If the prize is in your belly, I’ll rip out your guts” and as a fan of anything in the written body horror/gore department I was hooked from the first chorus.
Aside from the lyrics, I love the melody and initial slow pace of the verses and music. The gentle slow instumental opening that plays throughout sets up the vibe and is very memorable. By the first chorus when the pace speeds up, Jazmins vocals and the music gets louder, it compliments the message of the song perfectly. This is one of the best opening songs for an album yet.
This song is one of my favourites and it has the most personal reason behind it. Favourite Toy is a song about being in a sexually abusive relationship, the deep fear of being abandoned, and the intense desire to be sexually wanted. Throughout the song the lyrics support eacch of these ideas.
For example, the chorus: “I feel nothing, throw me in the backseat, use me how you need, so long as I'm your favourite toy”
At the time I listened to this song I was dealing with a recent situation between myself and a sexual partner. Things ended awfully and I was in a deep state of depression and rejection. I had been made to feel unattractive, not good enough, and second best. To my core I felt utterly abandoned, exposed and vulnerable,
This song made me feel less alone. It gave me a way to express (aka scream) my anger and pain when I couldn’t bear to write about it anymore. Without this song I can honestly say I’d be much worse off than I am.
I wanted to be the best, the favourite, and I would have done anything to be better. To have a song that related to me so specifically felt really special. The lyrics are so raw and vulerable and I applaud Jazmin for sharing an experience so personal with us.
Even though the album came out in February, I didn’t listen to this song until October when I saw it live at the SWG3 Warehouse in Glasgow. The lyric that hooked me was “Still can't believe you got to see my naked body vulnerable” and instantly I knew I had been missing out on another amazing and relatable track.
You know what you done is every bit as personal to me as Favourite Toy, but for a slightly different reason. Every single lyric in this song resonates with me. This is a song about saying fuck you to the people who hurt you. The song is laced with hope that those people are filled with guilt that will haunt them forever, and that karma will find them.
An example is the post chorus: “I hope you look into puddles when it rains. I hope you see my face in them, feel my pain. I hope you slip in it, break your neck” and in verse two: “I hope your guilty conscience eats you up, your fingers in its gums.” This is guilt Jazmin hopes they feel is invasive and deadly.
But despite the clear anger, there is a softness in empty questions Jazmin asks : “How could you do this to me? What about the love I bleed? What about my smile you drowned?” and the music reflects this as the drums stop, leaving only the instrumental plays quietly, which elevates Jazmin’s voice beautifully without needing to raise the volume of their voice.
Like the other songs on this list it opens with a slower pace as the facade of the abuser has faded away and Jazmin can see who they really are. I could be reading into it but in the opening verse in Jazmin’s calm and collected tone I could sense acceptance. Acceptance for the situation that transpired, and acceptance of finally being able to see the monster behind the mask of the man.
But despite finding acceptance, there is no hint of forgiveness (nor should there be). The music is loud and the lyrics leave no room for misinterpretation. “Payback takes its course without lifting a finger. My memories will follow potent, it lingers.” Abusers and those who seek to cause you pain don’t deserve forgiveness, from you, or themselves.
It’s not a technical term fit for a review but the instrumental gives me a feeling of catharsis, and relief. Unlike Favourite Toy, this song makes me oddly happy because though I can find acceptance in my own situation, I will never give forgiveness. I can only grow, be a better person, and pray that guilt and karma break the necks of the people who went out of their way to hurt me.
Best Junkie You Adore is the only song on this list that isn’t my favourite due to personal relation to the subject. BJYD tells the story of Jazmin’s history of substance abuse. It focuses on the negative effects of drugs after the euphoric highs have faded, leaving only depression, regret, and self-loathing.
The mental and physical side effect are sung about in the opening verse with the lyrics; “Dreamless sleeps, unbrushed hair, week-late plates are everywhere, bladder full, teeth not brushed…I'm back here, hands purple-toned.” and in verse two with; “I'm so weak, wish I weren't, no intent to change my shirt, no intent to change a thing.” It shows the unglamorous, unhygienic parts of their substance abuse and how it inhibited simple tasks like changing clothes and cleaning up.
The main chorus focuses on Jazmin’s mental state of self loathing and their lack of control due to drug dependancy; "I hate what I am, I hate what I've done. I hate that I'm scared, I hatе that it's not fun. Not fun anymore, but can't find the brakes, I'll speed and I'll crash”
It is an incredibly personal song that deserves recognition and praise for being so honest. I think I love it so much because despite the lyrics, it is a beautifully composed song and has one of the best sounds on the album.
When this song was performed at the SWG3 Warehouse on October 26th, Jazmin has this to ay to the crowd
“Thank you for I don’t know, loving up on this song…I honestly thought that maybe people would go ew I didn’t think you were like that. It’s not very idyllic but I fucking love this song, and I thank you for also loving this song. It’s the ugliest parts of my ugly life”
Transcribed from my own video recording
I love all of these songs, and I couldn’t pick a favourite easily, but the rankings are:
Traumatic Livelihood
You Know What You Done
Favourite Toy
Best Junkie You Adore
Overall, my favourite songs are:
Yandere
Saccharine
Traumatic Livelihood
I am not the most talented in the areas of review writing, and this is a little different from my usual but I hope that this song analysis was entertaining, and inspired you to listen to Jazmin Beans music.
I also apologise if the spelling is atrocious. The online desktop version doesn’t have a spell check (and for a dyslexic girl like me it is a huge challenge I plan on complaining about!) and I’ve had some issues using the online app on my phone- so please bare with me.
Thank you for reading, until the next, stay weird and rip out some guts!
Kaci xc