A broken pedestal
a poem on finding clarity
The Glasgow Necropolis, photo taken by me. 2024
♫ A white blank page and a swelling rage. You did not think when you sent me to the brink. You desired my attention but denied my affections…So tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?♫
A Cracked Pedestal
Whichever pedestal I had placed you on
Has long since crumbled beneath your feet.
And it's my fault.
Without much time at all I saw your qualities
As something worthy of worship,
Enough of a reason to get on my knees.
Your intelligence is akin to that of Odin himself,
With a voice as rich as mulled red wine.
Though mine have been surely clouded,
I felt truly seen by a man with an eagle eye.
As a writer, I should have predicted that
words would enamour me over confirming actions,
And the speaker would lift themselves
Into the spotlight of my mind,
And stand tall on that podium.
We were both captured and capturing.
And that wasn't fair to either of us.
No one on Earth can come close to imitating a god,
And no woman should worship a man like he is one.
Because he is not, and I am no longer a blind devotee.
A pedestal is the curse of perfection and disappointment.
And when the cracks started to show,
The pedestal was not the only one to fall.
In the dust, I saw you for who you have always been.
Nowhere close to half the man I thought you were
+ bonus ramblings
I remember what I was going through this exact day and weekend last year, and the one year anniversary of something is the hardest of any. When 2024 ended I struggled with it even though it was the worst year I’ve ever had, because when it’s a new year it’s the expectation that you’re supposed to move on from things and I felt a little embarrassed that my pain still lingered on. It’s been a new year for 4 months but today it is a full year since, and going forward I know I’ll keep feeling embarrassed and disappointed that I’m not as healed as I think I should be.